Losing Weight for Me? Yeah Right!

They say that if you want to lose weight, get in shape, get healthy, etc. you have to do it for yourself and not for someone else. Well, I've been trying to do this for me for years and it's just not working.  At my healthiest and skinniest, I was working out 5-6 days a week and running about 3 to 5 miles a day.  What was my motivation? My sister and I were going to the gym together. We'd hop on adjacent treadmills or elliptical machines and start going. Neither of us wanted to be the one to "give up" so when one of is asked the other, "You want to keep going?" The answer was "Of course I do. Why,  YOU want to quit?"  or in our best attempt to not sound tired "I'm fine."



My next success at looking some weight was right before my wedding. Like any bride, I wanted to look good in my dress. The South Beach Diet Book became my Bible for the months before the big day. I lost weight. I looked good.  I even have a picture from our honeymoon in Aruba of me in a bikini (and for once I don't look like a beached whale) I never would have worn a 2-piece before that (or much after that either).

I've managed to only gain some of that back but I'm still heavier and more out of shape than I would like to be.  During my pregnancy I was horribly sick. The morning (noon and night) sickness started at about 5 weeks and lasted until my eighth month and I spent the entire time puking violently for a few hours a day. Because of this I didn't gain any weight for the first  few months. Which really was fine seeing as I had a few (or more) extra pounds on me anyway. The problem was I was scarfing down as much food as I could at this point in the hopes that something would stay down. The morning sickness slowly subsided but my eating did not. I gained a ton (figuratively, not actually 2000 pounds).  I was huge! Not so much that my doctor was worried but enough to make me cringe every time I looked in the mirror.

After Honeybee was born, I quickly started losing the weight. Nursing helped take the weight of, as did being so exhausted that I forgot to eat.  I'm lighter than when I started (pre-pregnancy) but I still have a ways to go. And I still meed to get in better shape.

Fortunately now I have a better reason for wanting to get in shape and lose the rest of the weight and that is my daughter. I want to be around for a long time. I want to see her grow up and graduate from an ivy league university and get married and have babies of her own.   So is this for me, well yes, but my motivation is more for her. I can't imagine NOT having my mom share all the big moments in my life. I wouldn't want my daughter to have not have me around for a long time either.